The Ugly Side of Foster Care

To be extremely honest, the foster care system is very broken. It's such a broken system that my husband and I finally see firsthand what it's like for children, social workers, and potential parents. After adopting our son from Haiti, in 2017 I will say that the foster system in the US is obviously BETTER than the life of a Haitian child in Haiti. There are just not enough social workers for all the children in the foster care system and it's overwhelming to make sure these kids are getting the care AND therapy they need. Intensive, trauma-focused therapy, not just any therapy. I will say that our agency here in North Carolina, Children's Home Society, communicated well with us for the most part. But the Texas Department of Family Services is who we felt needed to do a better job. 

DeAndre has been home with us for seven months now and these past few months for my husband and I have been extremely difficult. Yes, we have been through the adoption process before, but the extreme trauma of a school-age child coming into our home is nothing we were prepared for. 

DeAndre was cared for in the sense that he was given food, shelter, and the necessary medical care. But what was not given was the emotional, mental, AND educational care that was so desperately needed. He was not given the necessary attachment and love by a single care giver. Instead he was moved around to multiple care givers that probably only did the minimum. Now that he is with us, we have had to spend every waking moment correcting these important milestones that he missed or did not receive. 

The social workers, adoption agencies, and DHHS do not prepare you for all of this. We took the mandatory classes, but when a child with trauma comes into your home, it hits you HARD! My husband and I have had many nights where we are so exhausted from the parenting, that we just look at each other like, "What the hell do we do?" We are two highly educated, smart, mentally stable people who were and still are clueless about how to raise this child.